Story of My Name

This is a Daily Post-inspired post.

My Chinese name is 沁憶, and my dad put in a lot of thought behind this name.  If you know Chinese Zodiac Signs, you would know there are 12 animals in the whole Zodiac – Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Chicken, Dog, Pig – and each year is named after each animal, in the listed order.  2011 is the year of the Rabbit.  I was born in the year of the Dragon, so next year is my year!  Based on that, you could calculate my age – I am either 23, 35, or 47 this year.

Follow so far?

To add to the complication, each animal has 5 elements – metal, wood, water, fire, earth – which is also rotated.  I was born in the year of the Fire Dragon.  Dragons are already known as fiery and ferocious imaginary creatures as they are.  To make matters worse, I was born under the element of fire.  It could only mean that I will end up hot-tempered and impulsive.  My dad was duly worried.

Hence he gave me a name full of water and hearts to douse the fire in me.  The first character of my name was made up of water and a heart while the second character comprised, among other components, 2 hearts.

In addition, he also wrote a poem for my name – 水能照心，心领神意.  The meaning, loosely translated, is what he wishes me to grow up to be – a person who lives a righteous life (literally ‘water can reflect the heart’) and has her heart in the right place (ability to empathise).  He had very noble aspirations for me.

Which reminds me, my dad also drew a dragon on a large styrofoam board and wrote the poem on it when he decided on my name (that was even before I was born).  The board is home with my parents, but I’ll take a picture of it at first opportunity.

My dad gave me a very meaningful name, hence I am always very upset when teachers or friends ‘butcher’ the name by not spelling or pronouncing it properly.  Throughout my life, I had to endure many varying versions of my name.  Fact it, in real life, I don’t use Genevieve or Inez.  I use my Chinese name.  And I’ve had a fellow Chinese friend who asked me if I had an English name because he doesn’t remember Chinese names well.  I just smiled and walked away.  Someone (and a fellow Chinese, at that!) who cannot be bothered to remember my name doesn’t respect me as a person and is most definitely not worth my time.

Incidentally, I married someone who came from a family that believed in meaningful Chinese names as well.  If he permits, I shall share it here.  Let me ask him tonight.

Am I Ready?

Last week we were asked if we were prepared for the Rite of Election and subsequently Baptism.  I kept quiet while my group’s facilitator and sponsors went round the table asking each of the catechumens present that night.

The fact is, I think I am not.

My admission surprised them because right up till this point, I have not shown any indecision.  They probably put me in the ‘safe’ basket, sure that I would be completing the whole journey.  Truth is, I felt some progress and positive changes in me as I journeyed with this group of people on my RCIA course.  But in recent weeks, I felt that I have regressed much, almost back to the point where I was when I started.

I always tell the hubby that the state of my study is a true reflection of my inner self.  When it is neat and pristine, I am in control of my life; and when it is messy, so is my life.  My study is extremely messy right now, in correlation to how I have neglected my personal and spiritual life in exchange for more time at work to cope with the peak period.  It disturbs me profoundly that I am so prone to reverting to my old self whenever I get trapped in the busy-ness of daily life.

Am I getting the infamous pre-Baptism jitters?

Perhaps.

Is Satan playing games with my mind because I am close to making an informed choice of receiving God into my life, as someone suggested?

Maybe.

All right, I don’t quite know why I feel this way.  I just don’t feel… ready.  There are so many more things to learn about Catholicism.  How did the past 9 months fly by so quickly?  I feel so unprepared I am entertaining thoughts of going through another cycle of RCIA.

And so I told S I will be looking out for signs at the retreat, to help me decide.  I’ve heard so many stories about catechumens going through life-changing experiences during the past retreats which made them determined to go through with the whole process.  Surely our Heavenly Father would reserve a sign for me, the confused one?

In response to my statement, S told me a true life story of a priest:

A Catholic priest-to-be was feeling unsure; he didn’t know if he should proceed to be ordained, or to return to the secular world.  After 7 years of training, these doubts had to surface just days before his ordainment.

While praying in the Adoration Room, he spoke to God and asked for a sign in the form of a rose.  He prayed and prayed in the room, but no rose appeared.

Dejected, he left the room when time was up.  And as he walked along the corridor to congregate with the rest, he met a priest who called out to greet him.

The priest was carrying a folder and the cover was – you might have guessed – the picture of a rose.

I understand what S was trying to tell me, that I shouldn’t bank my decision all on one retreat because with limited time and space, the sign that I desperately need may not appear.  Furthermore we both agree that He works through many ways, sometimes when we least expect it.  In His Time, I was reminded yet again.

I will be going through the Rite of Election in slightly over 12 hours’ time.  And the name will be Genevieve Inez.  Inez won by a vote of 6 to 5.

Oh yes, I won’t be around the next weekend.  Will be going for the retreat where I will still be looking out for a sign.  But I have posts scheduled for the 3 days so you probably won’t notice anything amiss.

Don’t miss me ya?

Names

Coincidental that the Pope should talk about names when I am just mulling over mine.  Divine providence, perchance?

During a baptism for 21 children on 9 Jan 2011, the Pope said:

Every baptism should ensure that the child is given a Christian name, an unmistakable sign that the Holy Spirit will allow the person to blossom in the bosom of the Church.  Do not give your children names that are not in the Christian calendar.

No worries there for me because 1) we are not parents as yet, and 2) I will never succumb to the trend of giving my children names that could possibly turn them into laughing stocks.  In fact, if not for the fact that one is Christian, I do not think Chinese should have English names.  Not for the wrongs reasons like English names being more stylish or easier.  I believe every individual should embrace their own heritage.

But that’s just my opinion.

I obsess over names.  Prior to this distraction of finding myself a confirmation name, I obsessed over names for my future children.  And I would be careful to keep the names to myself, sometimes consulting the hubby for his opinion and consensus.  He was at first, rather intrigued by this obsession of mine, and gamely gave his two cents’ worth.  After a couple of years, he realised there was to be no end to it – I mulled over and revised the names several times in a matter of days.  He eventually got tired.

Now, whenever I go to him with new ideas for the Chinese or Christian names, he would give me nary a reaction.  Not even a bate of the eye or a twitch.  He is that bored.

Names and Hilarity

The evening started off innocently enough.

Me: OK I need your opinions. Except that I already know WL’s. Do I look more like an Inez or an Eliza?  I need to pick a confirmation name.

YS: (took a long, hard look at me) My vote goes to Inez.

Mag: Why only Inez and Eliza?  Got other names or not?

Me: (stare hard at Mag and relented – trust her to make things difficult) Well, you could always suggest other names.  But I thought about it for a while – these are two saints’ names I picked.  Well… Blessed Inez is only beautified while Saint Elizabeth is canonised.

WL: Is that a concern for you?

I shrugged my shoulders, I think, not knowing how to answer.  Then I talked a bit more, wanting to give additional information.

Me: Saint Elizabeth is the Patron Saint for bakers, that’s why I chose Eliza.

YS: Then what’s the meaning of Inez?

Mag: I think hor, after Genevieve, you need a one syllabus name.

Err… I realised I didn’t know anything about the meaning of Inez, except that it is likely a variant of Agnes.  And that was when the conversation sort of got out of hand because all of them whipped out their cell phones – an iphone, an htc and a blackberry – and started surfing the internet for meanings to biblical or christian names, and 1-syllabic names.

Then someone suggested Eve.

WL: That could be a problem because it’s Genevieve Eve.

Mag: Worse!  It’s Genevieve Eve Hee!

It was getting hilarious, at my expense.  But I didn’t mind.  I looked at these 3 ladies whom I’ve known for 22 years and smiled inwardly.  I know I can always trust them to take such things seriously enough on my behalf.

Then WL suggested Beth.  She said I looked like a Beth to her.

I thought about it.  Actually I liked the sound of Beth, but somehow it brought to mind one of the sisters in ‘Little Women’.  Furthermore Genevieve Beth is such a mouthful.

In the end, YS declared that it was rather unsociable to be peering down at our cell phones at a social gathering.  Mag too, gave up and commented that Eliza could probably work.

The conversation naturally moved on to other topics.  I heaved a sigh of relief.  Considering that we don’t meet up as often as we wished to, I didn’t want to dominate our conversation over my little dilemma.  But of course, I also find myself in no better a position after the wacky conversation.

No matter, I still have time to mull over it.

Confirmation Name

For the fun of it, I thought of opening up this poll because I simply cannot decide between the two.  Inez was shortlisted because I find the name unique and goes well with my first name.  As for Eliza, well… I like baking (apart from music and writing) so I thought it would be rather apt to be named after a Patron Saint for bakers.

Please help me by voting, especially if you know me personally.  Do bear in mind that my first name is Genevieve, which is already quite a mouthful, if you are thinking of suggesting other names.

I’d texted some close and near friends to ask them for their preference and they have all replied.  Eliza is currently leading by a ratio of 3:1.

So, is Genevieve Inez or Genevieve Eliza going to be it?  Your guess is as good as mine.

PS: If you have already replied to my text messages this morning, please refrain from voting again because I already factored in your votes.  Unless you feel very strongly and wish to vote twice.